To the Person Who Stole My Wallet.
To the person who stole my wallet,
Don’t get me wrong, what you have done did create some trouble to me.
I had to block my credit cards – the Danish one, easy to recover, and the Italian one, which I can’t get back until I go back to Italy, god knows when. You see, I’m currently living in Denmark, but I’m from Italy. I am going to have to pay 150kr (20$) to get a new Danish ID card – it’s not that much, but it is a lot for me right now, while I still don’t have a job and I am saving cents on groceries. I still haven’t figured out how to get a new Italian ID or how to mark mine as stolen, and I have no idea of how to get hold of a new EU health insurance card – which I still need, even while living in Denmark. There was also some cash in my wallet – again, not that much, but a significant amount for me.
Also, I bought that wallet about 15 years ago. It’s one of the first objects I purchased on my own, with my pocket money, with my best friends. I know it’s silly to get attached to material things, they are only objects, but there was attachment. It represented a memory. The memory is still there, of course. But.
Now that I am calmer, I wonder why you did it.
Maybe you just did it for fun, or out of frustration. Maybe I looked to you like some privileged kid who deserved a lesson – which I probably am, in many ways. I am living in a foreign country relying on my parents’ money, after all – this is not easy for my family, but they decided to invest on my future. Sure, you couldn’t have known all of this, but maybe my clothes gave you a hint. I was speaking Spanish and English with my friend – this might have made you think I was some person with the money to travel to one of the most expensive cities in the world. What can I say? Yes, my family can afford to let me study here, but I cannot afford to go visit them in my hometown right now. If I had known how the money in my wallet would have ended, maybe I would have spent it on a flight home.
Maybe you were just hungry, and you even felt sorry for taking my wallet, but you needed it. Maybe you even have other little mouths to feed. Maybe one day I passed you on the street and I didn’t even leave you one coin because “I couldn’t afford it”. With the money I’m saving from groceries I did buy a couple of drinks, so maybe I should have made better choices and this is karma’s way of showing it to me.
Last night, when I realised my wallet was missing, I was very angry – at you, at life, I don’t know.
I haven’t been so lucky since I moved here – my ex broke up with me on my first day here, the cat I was taking care of for a friend got sick and we had to put her down, my iPad (which I need for studying) suddenly stopped working, I got sick and had to spend more than a week in my bed, without even the strength to go to the kitchen to get food for myself (missing my first classes), I lost my transport monthly ticket and I’m on a very limited budget.
Today, upon reflection and after a good night sleep, I can’t feel angry anymore – either at you or at life.
See, in the last years I have suffered from major mental health issues – panic attacks, anxiety, depression, with a wide variety of corelated symptoms, from alcohol problems to regularly throwing up to manage my emotions. Yesterday, though, although I did freak out big time, I did not get a panic attack, and I did not throw up – the urge for this last one was very strong, but I managed to resist it. I was alone, and I was about to black out, but somewhere inside of me I found the strength to call my friends and ask for help. I was still home alone, but I knew everything was just fine. You made me see how far I’ve gotten and how strong I’ve become. I know what happened to me is nothing that tragic, but it would have been to the person I was two years ago. I can’t believe how calm I am.
You made me see that there are people who care for me even though I only met them two months ago, and there are people who care for me even though they have known me for years, or even a lifetime.
You made me see that there are people who care for me even though I only met them two months ago, and there are people who care for me even though they have known me for years, or even a lifetime. I ignored the voice inside my head telling me not to bother them and make it even harder for them to stand me, I tore that wall down and there they were. They were there for me, and they didn’t even sound annoyed about it. They listened to me, gave me advice, and supported me. I felt so warm in my belly, and I felt grateful. I know people who would still be yelling and slamming objects around the house, maybe that’s what the old me would have done, but I am not. I am smiling.
Honestly, I almost don’t want to go to the police.
As far as I have understood I have to do it for a couple of other recovery procedures to work, but I don’t really want to. I know you are not just an asshole, the world made you what you are, whatever you are, and I feel for you. Life wasn’t that easy on me either, but I was lucky enough to always find a helping hand or the motivation to scratch my way out of the darkness. Maybe you haven’t. I’m afraid they will catch you and I will have to see who you are: a human. I know I’m nobody to point my finger at you.
All in all, I have to thank you.
Thank you for forcing me to see how lucky and how strong I am. Whatever reason pushed you to take my wallet, I send you all my solidarity and light – I have enough of these for the whole world. How lucky I am to be able to feel all this, I hope one day you will be too.